The 3 Types of Men…in Bed.

After my last encounter with Pete where I experimented with a tantric technique ontantric him, I figured it’s about time I told you where I learned about it.

His name is Ryan, and to say he’s good in the sack is an understatement.

Ryan is, without exception, the most skilled performer I’ve ever experienced.

In my experience men seem to come in several categories when it comes to sex –

  1. The Self Satisfiers: – I think this one is self-explanatory and I reckon most sexually liberated women will recognise the type. They’re quick off the mark and quick in the sack, their aim is to get themselves off regardless of whether they satisfy you or not;
  2. The Pleasers: – they do everything they can to please you and put their own pleasure last. Their main gratification comes from watching and knowing that you have achieved satisfaction;
  3. The Performers: – I’ve added this category after meeting Ryan. Ryan’s sole aim is to improve his own ability to perform. He’s learned that by controlling his ability to withhold his own orgasm, he can have lots of mini orgasms and small ejaculations along the way, before finally letting rip into the finale. It increases his pleasure while simultaneously prolonging his both his own and his partner’s pleasure.

Maybe there are more categories of men I haven’t discovered yet, but somehow I doubt it. I’ll explain why I think that in a minute.

I find most men are a mix between #1 and #2 and they usually have a leaning towards one of them.

I’ve learned that there’s a name for what performers do – it’s called edging.

Edging is a contemporary term for an aspect of the ancient art of tantric sex.

Now, speaking as a woman, I can truthfully say, that there are times when I’m happy sex couplewith any single one of those types of men, which I appreciate may seem a little bizarre considering The Self Satisfiers don’t really care about pleasuring their partner. So, I’ll explain…

There are times when a good quick tumble in the sack, or over the bath, or pushed up against a wall (you get my drift, right?), there are times when the thrill and excitement of being taken and used feels great. I guess that’s one of those moments where the roles are reversed and I’m in the role of The Pleaser.

In contrast, there are times when a Pleaser is spending so much effort on my pleasure that I find it distracting. They’re just trying too hard. Some times I just want them to get it over with so I bite my lip, hold my breath till I flush, then Meg Ryan a dramatic climax.

As for The Performers, in my case Ryan, I’m still to find out how I’m going to react to his sexual techniques on an ongoing basis. So far, so good – I’ll tell you about a recent meeting with him in my next post.

The reason why I don’t think there are any more categories comes from my experience playing pool. I do recognise that might sound a little strange.

I was never really into sports at school – I was a bit of an outsider and had a few health problems that didn’t make me a good choice to be picked for sports. Needless to say that spilled over and I’ve never been into them. I find athletic prowess admirable and I do enjoy watching a good team play well as a team, which by and large the England football squad don’t. I like to exercise but for me it’s always been about personal development, so I’ve always been more into exercising alone than group classes in gyms and so on.

In my early twenties I started going to the pub with a few friends, mostly male, and they taught me how to play pool.


I was rubbish, but I was a keen observer.

I noticed that Steve always played to win. Regardless of his where his balls were on the table, regardless of how difficult it was, he always played to try to pot a ball.

Whereas Caroline played a different game altogether – she played more tactically and if she couldn’t make the pot, she’d play to make if difficult for her opponent to miss his shot.

In essence, Steve played to win and Caroline played to make her opponent lose.

I know they both sound the same in the end, however each strategy evokes a different way of playing.

Gary on the other hand played a different game altogether. He was both a crack shot potter, and, a very crafty tactical player.

Steve was playing for himself, for the glory – The Self Satisfier.

Caroline was playing the other person – The Pleaser (yes, I’m aware that as a reference this doesn’t totally work!!)

Gary played both strategies – The Performer.

If you watch the development of anyone learning a skill they all seem to go through stages, unless they get stuck in one particular area. It seems to me that the pinnacle of achievement is to become The Performer.

If you’ve ever heard of it my theory ties in with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Okay I

Image link – Simply Psychology

appreciate it’s a bit of a stretch but bear with me. In essence Maslow says that –

  1. in the first instance we have to take care of ourselves, our Basic Needs (Self Satisfy),
  2. Then when we know we’re okay we can help take care of others, our Psychological Needs (Pleasers),
  3. And after that we realise our full potential (Performers).

Anyway, that’s all I can really say on the matter at the moment.

As I say, in my next post you’ll find out a bit more about Ryan.


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I have a whole series of erotic exploits, some from my past, but mostly current and always kinky. Naturally I'll have to be discreet and change names, nevertheless I'm sure if any of my partners recognise themselves they'll enjoy reliving our adventures together ;) xoxo

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